10/5/11 - 19 weeks!

So here we are... almost to the halfway point... 19 weeks. 

I am getting bigger... it's amazing, really. I am not sure why I am so much more freaked out about this pregnancy than the last 3... I.Just.Am...
Even though I have not had to deal with infertility or multiple miscarriages... I still worry. I think I worry too much.  I am constantly thinking about the twinges, pain, lack of movement, etc... Then I have to remind my self that really... there is nothing I can do.
I look at the milestones that a pregnant woman needs to reach to feel at "ease" and I know 12 weeks is important... then you have to make it to the halfway point - 20 weeks... then the marker for viability at 24 weeks... no one wants a micro premie... then 28 weeks... 32 weeks... finally the 36/37 week mark so that you are "full term" ... all of these dates  are important in their own right...
Honestly I am not sure where I was headed with this post other than to write some thoughts down...

October - Blahtober...

Friday, October 1, 1993 is the day that my life changed forever. My mom passed away. She was 57.  I remember yelling at her because I couldn’t find a check she had written for the chocolate bars that I had to turn in the next day… I remember being mad and hanging up the phone and cursing my self and calling her back to say I was sorry… I said “I love you mom… Diana is here and I will see you in 20 minutes…” We were going up to see her at the hospital and we were planning on her coming home in the next few days.  I remember the long walk down the hallway to her room. The page overhead of a code blue.  I was 13 – I didn’t know what that was at the time.  I waited outside the room as the Dr’s and nurses tried to bring her back… but her heart couldn’t take this last heart attack… she died.  How I wish things were different. I wish that she could have seen me graduate high school.  I wish she could have held her granddaughter when she was born… My 1^st daughter… But that is not possible.  I wish things were different.